Ban the Bible

I have banned the Bible from our home. It is full of lies. The violence is horrendous. The contradictions are unacceptable. The racism is inexcusable. The sex is filthy.

Many claim God wrote the Bible. That’s a total lie. It was written by lots of different men over a 2,500-plus-year timespan.

At times, people are forced to place their hand on it and swear that they are telling “the truth, the whole truth, nothing but the truth, so help me God.” How silly is that? Why does putting one’s hand on it make people tell the truth? It doesn’t!

Some people claim that it contains everything necessary for salvation. Mind you, this book hasn’t been updated for about two thousand years. The world has changed radically. Many issues and situations in it are irrelevant today.

The violence in the Bible makes some of today’s violence sound like child’s play. God telling the Israelites to wipe out all—yes, all—the Canaanites is not nice, especially if one is a Canannite.

To describe in detail a crucifixion, which is nothing but the worst kind of violence, is not something I want my children to experience.

How about all the sex in the Bible? It starts in Genesis, describing Adam and Eve as naked. Still in Genesis, Abraham pimps out Sarah to the pharaoh. In the story about the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah, Lot’s two daughters get the old man drunk so he’ll impregnate them. These are not good bedtime stories. In Ezekiel, he talks about “spreading your legs with increasing promiscuity to anyone who passed by.” Disgusting! The Song of Songs uses erotic poetry: “Your breast like clusters of fruit . . . and I will take hold of its fruit.” These are just a few examples of the rather explicit language.

In the New Testament, Jesus actually protects adulterous women and then promises that they’ll enter the kingdom of heaven before the clergy do. That’s awful!

The racism is blatant. The “chosen people” have no love of Samaritans, Egyptians, Canaanites, or anyone who isn’t like them. This is not what we are teaching our children.

And what about all the contradictions? The writers can’t even figure out where Jesus was born. Matthew claims when the Magi came, they found Jesus and his mother in a house. Luke says he was born out in the open near a stable. Come on! Why don’t you even know where Jesus was born? This is stupid!

Does anyone need any more proof that the Bible needs to be banned and that our children should never be allowed to read it?

Signed, Self-Righteous Bil

  1. S. All the above is tongue in cheek. I am being as ridiculous as anyone who insists on banning and censoring books in today’s world of the smartphone when our children have instant knowledge whether we want them to or not. In a democracy, we let each person pick and choose what it is they want to read. All the laws banning and censoring are a waste of time.


Photo courtesy of carmichaellibrary (CC BY 2.0)

8 thoughts on “Ban the Bible”

  1. Oh you heretic, “Tongue in Cheek” is not enough to save you now. Wait til Westborough Church hears about you. Though I think crusifixtion is out of style, no doubt those “true believers” will think of something suitable for you. The rack maybe.

  2. I enjoyed your “banning the Bible.” How many times through the years have I listened to the “truth of the Bible that God wrote”. There are times when wanting to remain a Christian is challenging!

  3. Reading and believing the Bible literally is an incredibly dangerous activity. I have suggested we take the Bible out of our local library because it is a dangerous book, at least as it is used and abused by White Evangelical ‘Christians.’ It has so many hate-filled stories (mandated by God, mind you) and seems to want people cowering in fear. Sadly, these ‘Christians’ are systematically destroying Christianity at a rapid rate. The hubris of these people to say that ALL understanding of God and the Bible ended over 2,000 years ago is mind-boggling.

  4. Clever, but true. I say that the Bible is a dangerous book. You can find a verse or verses to validate any crazy idea you have. Accepting that the Bible is true literally is destroying Christianity. At a rapid rate. To believe that all understanding of God or scripture stopped over 2,000 years ago makes many think that Christians are crazy.

  5. Banning the Bible sounds like Ron DeSantis call for baning books because they tell the truth. I find the statement so absolutely disturbing. As an academician I stand for the principles of academic freedom which is to search the truth regardless of where the truth leads to.

    Your call to ban the Bible is preposterous and dangerous and adds to the narrative of fear. Should Howard Zinn’s seminal work titled “A People’s History of the United States” be banned because it tells the truth about the history of the US that makes people uncomfortable?

    The Bible is not a science book or a history book and yes it has contradictions and yet it is literature and a few of my colleagues who are Professors of English teach the Bible as literature. Should books on CRT be banned because the topic makes White people uncomfortable? As an Emeritus Professor of Mathematics and Statistics when I was in the academy before my retirement many who didn’t agree with my research on ethnomathematics and mathematical anthropology wanted to banned the truth about my investigations questioning Eurocentrism in mathematics education. Should my publications be banned because I tell it as it is and my work is substantiated with evidence?

    Adolf Hitler banned and burned books because it was a threat. Go ahead and ban whatever makes you uncomfortable but if you don’t like it then don’t read it. I assume you must be a Ron DeSantis supporter in the closet.

    The essence of true emancipatory and liberatory education is to grapple with what shakea your foundation. Deciding what children should or should not read as a function of appropriate age is a form of intellectual oppression.

    As an academic I must stand vehemently opposed to this flim-flam and I believe that from academic freedom principle I, along with academics of my kind must uphold the concept of “Lehrfreiheit” which means that the one who teaches … is free to teach what he chooses, as he chooses.

    Banning the Bible is a form of Trumpism and I am in opposition to this idea. Again, I agree that there is violence and contradictions and metaphors that stupid undiscerning people take literally rather than metaphorically. Come on… Ban literature, really?

    Should art work of the human form be banned because it reveals naked bodies and pubic hair like Goya’s Naked Maja or Gustave Courbet’s L’Origine du monde painting in oil on canvas of a close-up view of the vulva and abdomen of a naked woman, lying on a bed with legs spread? This is art and if it offends people then don’t look at and suck it up.

    Banning the Bible is part of the problem we have with human stupidity. Be afraid and yes be afraid of the power of stupid people in large groups. Don’t take my harsh opinion personal. It is my opinion as an academic in search for truth.

  6. I left a comment but I don’t think it was something that was liked. A true dialogue should allow room for all viewpoints. Naturally, my frame of reference is academia.


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