Armageddon!

Walking down the street one day, I noticed three women in dresses standing behind a clothing rack. As suspected, they were Jehovah’s Witnesses. Their sign read “Armageddon.”

I asked, “What is Armageddon?”

Immediately, my mind flashed back to 9/11. Annie and I were on the island of Corsica, off southern France, when we learned about the planes crashing into the Twin Towers. It was a terrifying moment. We were staying in a little town called Saint-Florent. Communication was difficult. The next morning, we walked to town for coffee and a newspaper. We couldn’t find any in English, all the café tables were full, and everyone was reading their French newspapers with the headline “Armageddon” in big red letters. I had asked myself, “Is this Armageddon?”

Back to the ladies. One of the women answered, “In Revelations, Armageddon is the means by which God will fulfill his purpose on earth, which is to populate it with happy healthy humans who will be free from sin and death. It’s also the time that the armies of heaven will eradicate all those who oppose the kingdom of God, wiping out all the wicked humans on earth, leaving only righteous humankind.”

I had to ask, “Am I one of those wicked?” (I knew the answer.)

“Yes, unless you are a Jehovah’s Witness. We believe that the world is full of false religions [That’s me], and they will be destroyed by the Beast just prior to Armageddon.”

Silently, I wondered, “What would Jesus think about this?”

The woman continued, “Next, the armies of heaven, led by Jesus, will destroy all forms of human government, and then Jesus will select 144,000 humans. They’ll rule the earth for a thousand more years. After that, the second resurrection will take place. Also, Satan, who has been bound for the thousand years, will be allowed to tempt the perfect human race. Those who follow Satan will be destroyed, and humankind will be at peace with God, forever free from sin and death.”

“Interesting,” I said. “Who gets to choose the 144,000?”

“They will all be Jehovah’s Witnesses.”

I asked, “Are you telling me that with almost 8 billion people in the world, all but 144,000 of them will be killed? That’s a lot of stinking dead people lying around.”

“Yes, sir. There will be only 144,000 left.”

My mind pictured thousands of empty cities, bodies lying all over the place, reeking of decay. All was still and eerie. Then, I reminded myself, “This is la–la land!”

But I had one more question: “How many Jehovah’s Witnesses are there?”

The lady responded, “There are about eight million.”

“Hmm, if only 144,000 are chosen, aren’t there going to be lots of dead Jehovah’s Witnesses lying around?”

“Yes, but that is why we all work so hard to do what the Jehovah’s Witnesses demand.”

I had had enough. I thanked the lady, asking, “Could I ever be a Jehovah’s Witness? I like my glass of wine at night and have too many questions. How long do I have here on earth?”

She shrugged her shoulders as I pictured eight million Jehovah’s Witnesses all jockeying to be one of the 144,000. It wasn’t pretty!

Peace Love Joy Hope