The June 2025 issue of AARP: The Magazine had an article that made me consider the subject of old age. Is age a number? An attitude? Is it influenced by one’s health? Or by how engaged someone is in their activities? What about mental capacities?
I don’t think age is a number. I am ninety-three, but most people guess my age to be in the seventies. I’m involved in a research project for the MIND center at the University of California, Irvine. Every year, I am evaluated mentally and physically. Last year, my test results showed that I was in the top 10 percent of my age group, but I’m still old.
The AARP article is titled “The Tale of Two Grandmothers.” Grandma Ruth lived to be 104 years, 8 months, and 15 days old. She had been married for sixty-one years to a loving husband and had three children, eight grandchildren, and ten great-grandchildren. Ruth did aerobics, ate vegetables and healthy foods, had many friends, prioritized sleep, had an infectious smile, and made aging look easy.
I identified with Grandma Ruth.
Then, we met Grandma Charlotte, who lived to be 104 years, 7 months, and 25 days old. She was married for fifty-one years, had two children, three grandchildren, eight great-grandchildren, and two great-great-grandchildren. In her photo, she doesn’t look very happy, and she was known to be a fearful, religious woman with a history of profound loss. In contrast to Ruth, Charlotte loaded her chopped liver with chicken fat, snacked on Hershey bars, spent the afternoon on her saggy couch watching television, and bickered a lot with her husband when he was alive. She is someone I would avoid.
The research surprised me. When people ask what I think my secret is to living to ninety-three while staying healthy and remaining mentally sharp, I usually say, “It’s the luck of the draw.” I believe genes played a role, considering my parents lived into their early nineties. I’ve been happily married to my wife for sixty-five years, and she’s still my best friend. We both lead active, healthy lives. I always see the glass as half full, and I’m not afraid of adversity. I view hardships as challenges that must be tackled quickly.
So what does the article say are the secrets of aging well?
- Resilience—Mentally tough people tend to live longer, which means staying calm under pressure and continuing to push through when situations get tough.
- Faith—Faith here doesn’t necessarily mean going to church all the time, but it can be helpful. I believe it pertains to the power of belief. Just because I’m an Episcopal priest does not guarantee graceful aging. I have a belief system not necessarily that of the institutional church but more based on the concept of Creation (not an anthropomorphic God), in which I see all humanity as good and acknowledge that good can do bad.
- Love—I believe that loving everyone unconditionally, no matter where they are in their life’s journey, is my saving grace. I have my prejudices, my doubts, my hang-ups, and so on, but they are all pushed into the background as I try to live an agape life. I also know that my loving relationship with my wife is a tremendous positive.
I wouldn’t mind living to be 104 and maybe longer. I’m having a lot of fun doing life now, even with some of its challenges.
Are you aging well?
PeaceLoveJoyHopeKindness
Bil
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P.S. People often ask me provocative questions about current events, both religious and secular. I have found that some of these questions are being asked universally. I’ll be periodically alternating regular articles with one of those questions and my answer. I invite you to send me your question to bilaulenbach@yahoo.com.
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