Shhhh!

I’m going to use some words that hardly anyone uses in public, especially when describing what happens to people at the end of their lives: die, dead, death. These are “shhhh words.”

These words were triggered by a series of events: (1) August is Make-a-Will month. We just updated our will, which needs to be done every five years. (2) We live in a cul-de-sac with nine other homes. In one of the houses, a man died about six months ago, but he did not make a will. He hated talking about death and dying, so now his property is in probate, and I suspect much won’t be left for his family after the hungry lawyers eat up the assets. (3) Another neighbor is dying, but no one in the cul-de-sac is supposed to know it because he doesn’t like talking about death, so he has no visitors. Thus, he is dying with few around him.

Our society’s avoidance of this subject is truly amazing. Death is the only certainty everyone around the world knows for sure. We’re all going to die. In other parts of the world, death is so common that it’s almost a daily topic. In our healthy society, we rarely discuss death, and when we do, we use terms that drive me crazy.

When I was growing up ninety-three years ago, the words death, dying, and dead were common, but over the years, new words have been introduced, most of which don’t make sense to me. The other day, I was talking to a woman who told me that her mother had “passed away.” I wanted to ask her, “Where did she pass away to?” and “What did your mother do as she was passing away? Did she sing hymns? Play cards? Do something else?” To me, passing on or away involves movement and activity, and dead people don’t do that. They’re dead!

I’ve never understood why so many people avoid saying the word dead. It’s almost as if saying dead, death, or dying is considered impolite or forbidden. Passing on or away doesn’t feel final. It sounds like there might be more to it. Is it a way of denying reality, suggesting the person is still here?

Then people talk about someone being “deceased.” I want to know from what has that person been deceased? From bothering someone? The person deceased being annoying? From being alive? If the latter, just say “dead” so I don’t become confused.

Some people, especially the more religious ones, talk about a dead person as being “returned to the Lord.” But how does one return to the Lord? Are people actually going anywhere? I’ve often wondered which Lord they mean—an English Lord, a medieval Lord, or Jesus, whom some call the Lord? If it’s Jesus, the last I heard was that wild animals ate him after the Romans executed him. Nothing is left to return to.

I’ve also heard about dead people returning to “their Maker.” My mother and father made me, and they have been dead for over thirty years. Their bones are in a columbarium, and I have no interest in visiting a pile of ashes.

Why can’t we just accept that when someone stops breathing, they are dead? The word dead carries a reality with it. The person is no longer here. They’re not coming back, and we have to live our lives without them.

When I become president, I will issue an executive order making it a crime to use any word other than dead when someone dies. (Don’t worry too much about my executive order. I’ll be ninety-six at the next election and doubt I’ll even be nominated.)

PeaceLoveJoyHopeKindness

Bil

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P.S. People often ask me provocative questions about current events, both religious and secular. I have found that some of these questions are being asked universally. I’ll be periodically alternating regular articles with one of those questions and my answer. I invite you to send me your question to bilaulenbach@yahoo.com.

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